What I've realized.

I can not stand close minded people who feel that they need to talk about how much they hate this movie or that actor. It isolates the people who actually like that movie or actor. Like what you like. It's not up to anyone else to determine what you enjoy. You need to do what makes you happy. As long as you live by the 3 rules...

1. Harm none
2. Know that whatever you do will come back and bite you in the ass (Karma)
3. Treat people the way you want to be treated (DUH)

... then who cares what people think. If you like the Jonas Brothers, Twilight, Alexis Bledel, wearing dresses, and getting attention well than more power to you!

Work It

I'm watching Domino with Keira Knightly. Note to self: When you're in a sticky situation, work with what you've got. It may save your life.

Wondering thoughts...

So I'm sitting here watching popular videos of 2008. Why you may ask... Well I have no idea. I spend a lot of time alone in my dorm room these days. It's not really conducive to staying optimistic about life, but it's what I do. Most of the people I'm surrounded by do not have the same values that I do. They don't see that talking behind peoples backs and generally looking down on everyone is a bad thing. I take pleasure in the little things and tend to be grateful for everyday I am given.
It scares me that recently there have been no prospects in the romance department. I know some people never meet "the one" but generally it is thought that by college most people have experienced the life event that is being in a relationship. I have never experienced this. I have no sort of ill-conceived notion about falling in love, but I do want to experience having a relationship. I've never really felt the contentment that I comes with having one person that accepts you for who you are. One person that wants to spend all their free time with you. I want to find someone that I can be with and will understand me. I have heard many a times that you must love yourself before others can love you, well I don't exactly think I can love myself anymore than I do. Of course there are things I would change physically, but as a person I love who I am. I have been through a lot and I feel that I have emerged victorious. So, what am I doing wrong? Maybe nothing, maybe everything. I guess I just have to wait and see. I do not presume to think and a partner will make every wrong thing right, but I feel empty sometimes. I feel like there is something missing. I don't feel that I NEED someone to make me feel better, I just want to share my life with another person. Is that so much to ask? I think not.

Just me.

So my best friend told me that a great way to "lay it all on the table" would be to start blogging again (BTW check him out at coldfeetconversation.blogspot.com) . This blog is a few years old but hasn't been used in over 2 years. I have changed so much in the last 2 years so I decided to delete everything and start over. Since 2008 I have learned a lot about life and about myself. Experiences change you. I don't regret anything I've done in life. I'm not exactly proud of everything, but I think of each experience as an opportunity. I can't think of any better way to tell you (whoever you are) about the last few years of my life other than to just make a list. They wont exactly be in order but here it goes.

I had the opportunity to go to a huge leadership conference and while there I met a girl that made me realize the weird feeling that I sometimes got when seeing girls was in fact attraction.
I nursed my father through 2 1/2 years of interferon treatment (chemotherapy) for his liver cancer.
I graduated from high school and started college.
I cut some unneeded people out of my life (and edited my Facebook friends list).
I was kissed for the first time.
I was the other woman.
I have since dated 2 guys (both older) but have never had a boyfriend.
I am constantly dealing with the idea of who I am and how I can make myself happy.
I write in a journal almost everyday to keep myself from telling anyone who will listen ALL of my thoughts and feelings.
I'm sure there is more, but that's a good start I think...